A Bill of Rights for Grieving Animal Lovers

To feel the pain of grief when the bonds with our pets are broken

The bonds we have with our companion animals are deep and strong; the pain we feel when those bonds are broken is real and worthy of our grief.

To feel shocked and overwhelmed by the intensity of our grief

Since our animals' life spans are so much shorter than our own, it is inevitable that eventually we will experience the loss of our beloved companions. The grief we feel can be far more intense than we ever expected, no different from losing another family member or cherished friend.

To understand our grief reactions, feelings and behaviours as normal

Grief is a natural, spontaneous response to the loss of a significant relationship.

To express our grief in our own unique way, within our own time frame

The course of grief is unpredictable and uneven, with no specific time frame. How we express it varies among individuals, but we all get through it in personally meaningful ways.

To have our grief recognised by others as significant and legitimate

Since grieving over animals isn't generally accepted in our society, we may feel uneasy or embarrassed, as if we have no right to feel or express our grief because our loss is not significant enough.

But we're not grieving "just an animal". Since we're the only ones who know how much our animals meant to us, when they're gone we're the only ones who can measure how very much we've lost.

To feel supported by others in our grief

When our companion animals die, there are no formal, public rituals where we can express and share our sorrow, talk about our loss and obtain the sympathy of others. At the very time when we need to be with others who understand, we feel isolated and alone.

We need to find someone with whom we can openly acknowledge our feelings, work through our pain, and come to terms with our loss.

To honour the memory of our pets in whatever way we see fit

To memorialise our beloved companion animals is to honour the important role they played in our lives, to bring comfort to ourselves and to keep their love and presence in our hearts.

We can memorialise our pets by writing about them, making an album or scrapbook, planting a living memorial in the garden, holding a meaningful memorial service or ritual, or making a donation to a charitable animal organisation in our pet's name.

Common questions

Is it normal to grieve a pet as much as a person?

Yes. The intensity of grief follows the strength of the bond, not the species, and many people find pet loss hits as hard as any other bereavement.

How can I memorialise my pet?

An urn or keepsake kept at home, a garden headstone or planting, a scrapbook, a small ceremony, or a donation to an animal charity in their name.

Sources and further reading

• Grief Healing — A Bill of Rights for Grieving Animal Lovers

  The original piece this post was reposted from, by grief counsellor Marty Tousley.